So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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