why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
