A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
