what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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