So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
