Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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