it wasn't lemon gatorade
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
