i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
