her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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