someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
