im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
