It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Two words: blizzard sex
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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