Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
