I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I need to sanitize my soul.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
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