3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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