did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
