i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
