at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
