I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
