just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
