ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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