You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
