went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
