This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
