hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
