dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
