ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
