me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
we're so committed to being not committed
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