can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
