Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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