margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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