you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She bit a glass in half.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
