I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
