she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
