Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
