he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
