everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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