If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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