This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
