My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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