this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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