Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
