I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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