i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
my shit smells like andre
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I can't put those talents on a resume
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
