frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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