Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Randomize
