yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
