I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
