for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
