is wine microwaveable?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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