omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
